Cycles

Last Valentine’s Day I came home to find a care package. While some would have found it sweet, I found it creepy. On the outside, it looked like your typical V-Day gift (flowers, candy, a poem, framed picture), but in reality it was vile and vinegary, like a pickle. (I hate pickles…and you can read more about that ordeal here).

The week leading up to Valentine’s 2011, my boyfriend at the time and I had broken up. He cheated. In addition to that he lied about being enrolled in grad school, stolen from me,  and a list of other deceits that I’m embarrassed to even mention. We ended and he went to San Antonio to ‘grieve.’ In the grieving process that weekend, he slept with my best friend’s ex. (Don’t worry the details will be in the tell-all book and probably be in syndication from a cancelled FOX show by 2021 or so).

Then, nearly a year later, I noticed this post on my mom’s Facebook page:

Congratulations to my nephew!!! He performs with the State Band in San Antonio on Saturday!!  What a great achievement! San Antonio..HERE WE COME!!!!

Given that San Antonio is only an hour drive away and I rarely see my family (subjects of future blog posts no doubt), I decided to join. It didn’t escape my attention though that a year later, a very different turn of events happened in that town. This time though, it was me going. I asked the guy I’m seeing now to come with and we jumped in the car and met my parents, aunt, and uncle in the big taco.

I’ll spare the boring details. Nothing outstanding happened while we were there. It was nice. There was no drama (except my hissy fit trying to find a parking space). No tears. Normal.

Some call it karma, but I believe that everything in life has a cycle and seeks balance. Last year at this time, some really heavy things were going on in my life. It sucked. This year, instead of a Nip/Tuck sort of Valentine’s Day, it’s more Parks and Recreation.

a toast, to us

Here’s to us

not for what might happen next,

for it might not be nearly as bright,

but here’s to us, for better or worse,

and for thanks to a merciful star,

skies of blue, and muddling through,

and for me and for you we are.

and here’s to us for nothing at all.

if there’s nothing at all we can praise,

just that we’re together and ehre

here’s to us, forever and always.

for all that we have,

and the road we’ve travelled

oh, so far.

here’s to running with scissors,

playing in the rain,

and driving fast,

to spending without wont,

and loving without regret

to being scared, loud, and

brash, living young until we’re ash.

here’s to us, forever and always

In 2011, that was the poem left at my door. Penned by a boy that at one point, could have done no wrong. Thanks to Google, it was quickly revealed to be lyrics from the musical, Little Me. Not shocking. This year, there is no poem. This year, it’s a glass of wine and some tv. It’s perfect.

While not everyone will find love this February 14th, I do hope they can find balance. And if things seem a little heavy and dark this year, remember, the merry-go-round will spin again and hopefully next year when the cycle of life repeats itself, it will be a little kinder to you

 

Grounded.

Saturday I was supposed to leave on a pretty awesome business trip.

Austin-Dallas-London-Copenhagen-Amsterdam-London-Hamburg-Munich-Chicago-Austin

This as I poured my third cup of coffee and sat down at my desk, I opened my inbox. Everything was a blur except the line, ‘I have decided to postpone the events.’

Damn.

On the bright side, I’ll get avoid the sub-Arctic winter that part of the globe is enduring right now, but as the walls closed in around me,  the reality that I’m grounded in Austin sank in.

I’ve tried several times to capture my experience here, but each time my mind goes blank.

I like to think that when the time is right, my experiences here will flow through me as a mystical muse whispers the right words into my ear and onto the computer. My fingers flying as the story I was meant to tell is typed out onto the screen.

Once April gets here, my travels will start again. I have adventure and travel to seek out (and corporate events to plan and execute), but in the meantime, I’m here.

Over the next couple of months a lot will happen. My company will have its big conference event of the year, the annual SXSW interactive, film, and music festivals will take place, and maybe I’ll even find the time to get my oil changed and wash my car. Over the next couple of months I’ll try to look at this place through a different set of eyes.

At some point, I will leave this town and when I do- the purpose, the reason, the meaning as to why I’ve spent the past seven and a half years in the Texas capital will reveal itself. Even though I was raised in the suburbs outside of Houston, I grew up in Austin.

I don’t know why I have so much inner conflict with this place. But hopefully, one day soon, it will all pay off.

I’m grounded here and like a child in time out, I’m going to think about what I’ve done. What have I learned from the people, the places, the experiences.

To quote an often overlooked movie that hits close to home in my book, “Every good writer has a conflicted relationship with the place that he grew up. Joyce, Faulkner, Tolstoy… What I took from you story is this- that even in a world where people can be superficial and stupid and selfish, there’s still hope.”

Things are so close to clicking, I can hear it.